Rendering Services Until All

A shark! I love boiled shark on Boxing Day.
Shriven, curried, served up with a salad.
The shark tin covers show one in a bay
but I know only the dish and an old ballad.
—Amor Yangtze, November 2012

You! Shark! Fierce creature of a nether god.
Taker of human life. Wondrous murderer.
Possessor of nothing admirable or cuddly.
Renderer of family values. Destroyer.
Eater of dolphin and human young.
—Fo Wee Islands chant 1982

RENDERING SERVICES UNTIL ALL
—Sign on lawn of Connecticut crematorium

‘The shark cuts through the pale and wriggling coffle
of little swimmers’ legs. It snags its lunch.’
‘No joking here!’ the Editor shouts. ‘That’s offal!’
I grab my coat, walk to my boat. I crunch
braincells seeking words for why sharks munch
on us—consuming kiddie kidneys, you,
me, and John Q. Public in its stew.
—Key Largo Standard, 13 August 2004

Couple halves, survivors of radial surgery,
spend their insurance and remaining days
of considerable pain in perpetrating perjury.
They lump sharks and conger eels and rays
into one blackened bubbly bouillabaisse.

They show pictures of spouses long deceased.
Their rictus smiles—wry, rough-stitched creased—
swing to ‘Go’ the referendum ballot.
Sharks will be as rare as ambergris.
—Note sealed in Jack Daniels bottle found in the industrialised no-go area formerly known as Great Barrier Reef, July 2003


To win the war on nature will require
destruction of the shark’s birthplace and byre—
the brine even sharks no longer drink.
Our campaign plans to give each man a sink,
a toilet, and one weapon that we think
will make the difference. When each family gets
a chemical plant we’ll see what that begets.
—National Security Council memo, 06/06/2005

The owners of America and its government
sit down together to review the facts.
Our long-life heavy fishing nets are good
enough to break the feeding bottoms up.
Drag lines, steel gaffs, and giant onboard freezers
reduce fish fleets below the critical mass
so they die out. That rubs out the sharks.

Wets and huggers of flora want a pause
but we who are present know that short-term yields
require aggressive progress …
—Briefing for the President, begun 23/12/2012

Christmas Eve Again, Thank God

All the stores close their registers, bolt their glass doors.
All the shoppers go home, except one who explores
the car park for hoof prints, for he’s hoping to find
the traces of reindeer. They have left him behind.

He’d stopped for one eggnog, and he had the worst luck,
for who should be sitting in the Feather and Duck?
His mate from the Navy, drinking sloe gin and lime.
They ranted old chanteys and he lost track of time.
They rejigged the hornpipe then they spliced the main brace.
As dusk came his buddy fell flat on his face.

He’d paid both their tabs from his good buddy’s cash,
left a note in his vest, ‘Don’t go throw up the sash.’
Now amok in the car park, casting light with his nose,
he attracts folks’ attention. They notice his clothes,
his felt-padded belly, fin de siècle high boots.
‘Hey, dude, you and Batman, are you two in cahoots?’

Déjà vu thoughts, history that’s happened before,
make him run to a diner, make him pound on its door.
‘Let me in. You will like me, for giving’s my bag.’

‘Come in, Hansel.’ His greeter’s a grotty old hag
who jerks him inside, saying, ‘You’re safe here from harm.
Oh, I so loved your sister, especially her arm.’

As gingerly, quietly, he breaks from her grip
to go dash up her chimney, surprised at his clip,
he notes he’s so agile it must be a gift.

‘Gift’ causes him panic as his redlined mind shifts
to the job he’s been trusted with: flying the skies
bringing presents to children. ‘My reindeer!’ he cries.
‘They’ve deserted me sadly. This evening will go
to the dogs like some royals I press-release know.
To the pits like some pols who this year gained their fat
by skinning poor peasants and avoiding the VAT.
I’m running on empty while the men who run guns
pay for adverts portraying them as better than nuns.
The guardians of Gaia have lost every round
this year to consumers, while sly pundits have found
silver linings invented to draw oohs and ahhs
from the rabble (that’s me) who could care less because
we can’t find clear targets for to focus our rage
and beliefs are derided. Pedestrian age!’

As his cri de cœur echoes through uncaring streets
an angel approaches, bearing kindness and sweets.
She embraces the sad man: ‘You’re muddled and lost.
All the chances we’ve sent you are toys you’ve tossed
from your crib into the river. You’ve tried not to soar.
You’re a raving lost tot. Never mind ‘never more.’
Here’s a new chance for Christmas (its meaning, you know).
Here’s a sleigh, brand new reindeer, and a leg up. Now go.
To the top of your courage, to the end of the mall,
to the places you dream of. I will let you fall,
but I won’t let it hurt you the grey, deadly way
that not caring shells you. Go out now, and play.’

As his angel departs him, he straightens his spine,
then whistles his eight deer, perhaps they are nine.
‘It’s Christmas, me hearties, and we’re ready for flight.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!’

BEGINNING SPREE KILLING

His madness grew. He executed without trial

his principal supporter, a praetorian.

He also offed his cousin. ‘Sharing’s vile,’

Caligula said. ‘I’m feeling terpsichorean.

I twitch and dance and flash a winner’s smile

to dazzle my darling horse, who’s my historian.’

He used public funds erecting towering walls

and labelled false the senate’s warning calls.

Caligula Unbound (Alan Reynolds, 2020)