Some writers have the gift of being crystal-clear communicators. Others muddle their own waters to the point of incompressibility [SHURLY ‘INCOMPREHENSIBILITY’, ED.] Imagine how they could be helped if Artificial Intelligence automatically supplied their texts with quips gathered from the Internet:

Hamlet* had a lot on his conscience* He knew that he should have practised more diplomacy* in his audience with his creator* He spoke now only to himself and worried he was becoming a bore* He wondered would he achieve a place in Camelot* His family, those still enjoying good health*, told him that even for an actor* he was neurotic* but he rejected that, positive* that his verbal* skills would guarantee him a place in history, not as a fanatic* but as the supreme egoist*

* bee: A fly dressed in a fur coat.
* hamlet: A little pig
* conscience: That part of the psyche which dissolves in alcohol.
* diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock.
* creator: A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh. –H. L. Mencken
* bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. –Ambrose Bierce
* Camelot: A place where used dromedaries are sold.
* health: The slowest possible rate of dying.
* actor: A man who tries to be everything but himself.
* neurotic: Self-taut person.
* positive: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.
* verbal: Able to whine in words.
*fanatic: One who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject. –Winston Churchill
*egotist: A man who’s always me-deep in conversation.