Hale and Hearty

The 'Burma-Shave-ish' jingles are taking a turn for the dark.
Could this be blamed on the storms of autumn raging outside?

HALE AND HEARTY – Version 1
If you admire
me on my pyre
you’ll be a wee bit
tardy.

I’d value more
your je t’adore
while we’re both hale and
hearty.

HALE AND HEARTY – Version 2
Should you come admire
me on my pyre
that would be the wee bit
tardy.

I’d rather much
enjoy a touch
of kindness while I’m
hearty.

A Purpled Rose

They give him a prize, a purpled rose,
for what we once called purple prose.
He overwrites and adds on more
for fear somewhere some herbivore
will miss what he means when he totes
brass-band horns out when he emotes.

I could go on. He would, I’m sure,
but unlike him I am demure.
I hope he’ll catch what I unfold
or, failing that, catch at least a cold.

MEA CULPA: Do you remember the Burma-Shave signs alongside highways, short verses followed by their logo? Two real examples:

‘Hardly a driver / Is now alive / Who passed / On hills / At 75 / Burma-Shave’

‘Ben Met Anna / Made A Hit / Neglected Beard / Ben-Anna Split / Burma-Shave’

And a lampoon version ending with a cartoon of someone’s backside (remembered from Mad Magazine?):

‘If you neglect / your face each day / this is all / we’ve got to say / Burma-Shave’

On a rainy day like this, with storms closing down Heathrow airport, jingly couplets seem to be in the air.

Danger Coast

We ride out to the edges of my dream.
Tired horses. An unraveling of time.
I look back at the vultures on the road.
We have our guns but no more ammunition.
Do you remember houses stapled to this mountain?
The dangerous-when-wet stairs to the beach?
Do you hear the storm-stoked waves wolf down the sand?
Today gives up at dawn and fades to night.
.
.
.
Sometimes when too tired to read a book it is easier to dream one.

The Chapel

When I send you this perhaps your training as
psychiatrist will make you think I mean
to send it to you. I cry out for help
but not in your direction anymore
than in the chapel. Never, since it closed.

Free association costs too much.
I’m not short of sense but have been trained
to not spend pennies in the marshes of my mind.
The blobs of white against mind’s background black
are fairy lights that foul my reason’s lenses.

Is Reynolds Price convulsing when he writes
of operations and continuing life
when all that Jesus said was, ‘You’re forgiven’?

I never cried in chapel, never went.

The winds tonight address complaining masts
with lines left naked when we took the sails
inside to winter where their salt will dry.

The tear stains in the chapel are not mine.

The sunrise service that Mother drove us to
made Jesus think how burning fossil fuels,
accelerating Armageddon’s date,
meant no one needs repair the chapel roof.

‘How do you know?’ a demon of the wind
inquires of me, ‘Why breathe of this? Why write?’

I thrice deny the chapel ever was.

Jackdaws and magpies crow the crack of dawn.
No couplets come to end up sonnet-wise
and the rains come down from where it’s specially dark.

Naught’s So Contentious

Egad, a pome with lines numbers, and notes

01. Imagine information equals wisdom?
02. I’d rather not. A case in point is Null.
03. There’s naught he does. Alone it seems he’s dumb
04. and only fit to see all places full.
05. Deciphering ones from tens until he’s numb,
06. our Null runs lines so long you want to cull
07. a million here, quadrillion there — adjust
08. the ciphers back to zero. What a bust.
.
09. Imagine information equals wisdom?
10. Can’t really hurt the world if you’ve the gall.
11. The antitoxin to being an empty coxcomb
12. is real numbers. Go on and count them all
13. from minus inf. while sitting on your wisdom
14. to inf. most plus. And when you’re in their thrall,
15. you’ll notice what gives me a specious pain:
16. they’re a special case out on the Argand plane.
.
17. You want more understanding to be wise?
18. Wisdom’s nothing that more facts revive.
19. We could get more facts, but getting wise defies
20. the piling on of data dumps. A hive
21. of hornets (‘not hive, nest,’ some pedant writhes)
22. is more, and less, than facts. It is alive.
23. A hive of bees’ beatitude depends
24. on blooms before they’re pressed between bookends.
.
25. You think I’m anti-wise. Well, now you’re cooking.
26. The physicists will someday wear a rut
27. so deep upon our foreheads they’ll fit a chip in
27. and factulate us with the total GUT.
29. You’ll have my facts, and I’ll have yours. We’ll tuck in
30. to bytes of lore from Albert back to Tut.
31. To be suffused with facts behind our eyes
32. will make us oh-so-boring but not wise.
.
33. ‘How arrogant,’ you tell me. ‘You’re short-sighted
34. to argue out of ignorance for more.’
35. I try on Gödel but you shout, ‘Benighted!’
36. You point out how I always seek the shore
37. when others (betters, you) have the boat righted
38. and urge all hands to board. The breakers’ roar
39. attracts me, cher. No need to analyse.
40. I’m going in to ride them. You be wise.

Notes

Title. Naught, non-existence and nothingness, also means zero (0). Such nothingness is controversial in a world of humans wanting instant answers and believing they are findable.

Line 02. Null personifies and illustrates the often overlooked importance of No-Thing. Null, meaning zero and nothing, determines the values of numbers.

Line 07. The difference between One, Ten , One Million and One Quadrillion is NOTHING! (A sub-example not in the poem but in my head as I wrote it: even our names for numbers are confusing; e.g., a British quadrillion is the fourth power of a million (1 followed by 24 ciphers) while in the U.S. and in France a quadrillion is the fifth power of a thousand (1 followed by 15 ciphers: 1 000 000 000 000 000).

Line 08. It intrigues me that cipher means both the mathematical zero denoting absence of quantity (a place holder), and also a nobody, a nonentity who has no influence or value. What a bust (the bursting of values back to One if you take away the nulls) is also slang for getting stopped, arrested: a party going flat if you remove the je ne sais quoi.

Line 11. A coxcomb (from the crest on a rooster’s head) is a conceited, foolish dandy who thinks he’s important because of his appearance.

Line 12. The real numbers are all numbers representable by an infinite decimal expansion; they are in a one-to-one correspondence with the points on a straight line that stretches from Minus Infinity to Plus Infinity.

Line 15. Specious not only fits this line, because a specious argument is not simply false but seems true, but it also sounds good to me when combined with ‘special’ on the next line.

Line 16. The Argand Plane is all possible points of the form X + Y(i), where X and Y are real and i is the basic imaginary unit equal to the square root of -1. Some of us call these points (e.g., 8 + 7i) Complex Numbers. The X axis defines the real parts of the numbers and the Y axis defines the imaginary parts. Counting Real Numbers along a line from minus infinity to plus infinity is simply the special case where y = 0. It’s strange that we generally think of only this special case as being ‘real.’

Line 28. Factulate is a nonce word I made from ‘facts’ and ‘inoculate’ (introduce a vaccine to produce immunity to a disease or to communicate a disease). Some physicists work on ‘unified field theories’ to define and relate what they call the basic forces in nature: Electromagnetism, Gravitation, Weak Interaction and Strong Interaction. ‘Grand unification theories’ (GUTs) attempt to unify all four of these. No one has ever verified a GUT. I have a gut feeling that there may be more than (or different than) four forces, that we concentrate on only a special case where y = 0 in some undiscovered equation.

Line 30. Albert Einstein and King Tut. The latter came to mind probably because of songs (Cole Porter?) inspired when Pharaoh Tutankhamen’s (c. 1350 BC.) until-then-unlooted tomb was discovered.

Line 32. I believe that our arrogance in believing that facts make us wise causes much of the damage we do to the world and to each other. So in an oblique way, this poem, first written in 1996 and often revised, is a wee cri de coeur. (cf. the 2014 article how politics makes us stupid)

Line 34. Twists within twists: telling myself that I am arrogant for arguing against their arrogance, and simultaneously arguing from a standpoint of ignorance for having more of the same.

Line 35. I am thinking here about stories I have read about Kurt Gödel’s proof that mathematics (and, to me, by extension, all knowledge systems) are and must be based in part on propositions that are not provable within mathematics (within the knowledge systems) itself.

Line 39. I changed hein in an earlier version to the New Orleans cher in thanks to Janet McConnaughey whose comments helped me improve this poem.

The Ark Tangent — a poem not for EARTH TOURIST

 

 

jackdaw on ark tangent

Jackdaw Jackdaw, BA (Hons), MComp, DPT, FBCS, Corvus monedula, O.I.D. lighted in front of me and asked, ‘Where’s it got to then, that “ark tangent” thing?’

‘Why?’

‘I want to feature it on JACKDAW DOLLOPS.’

‘It’s not finished.’

‘All the better. Both our readers will be grateful.’

Subtle, that bird. I opened the WWII footlocker and we watched the moths fly out. I dusted brittle pages and packets until I found the right one. ‘Here it is,’ I said.

Jackdaw Jackdaw yelled, ‘Look behind you!’

I jumped and spun around, spun back (it took a while) to see Jackdaw Jackdaw flying off with the Ark Tangent’s prologue.

‘Works every time,’ he cawed. ‘I am going to post this.’

And that’s what he did, over at JACKDAW DOLLOPS.<–click here

Piece Work

I.
Just bits you sell in passing as you fall.
Few SM fans extend to drilling teeth,
but you don’t stop. It seems to be your call-
ing. I command you: Stop. Come lay one wreath,
just one, to lay your longings out to rest.
They’ve run from dawn to vespers. There’s the bell.
You’re always in to put yourself to test,
but shadows lengthen. Longings likes yours dwell
too long in skulls like yours, and drive men mad.
El Cid would dream like you, but then would act –
while you but scream in slumber. If you had
his energy, you’d long ago have packed
your weapons, and have died in one last bout.
The theory: Go inside. Grab. Fetch it out.
II.
The theory (go inside, grab, fetch it out)
can soothe you. Save you. Try it here tonight.
I’ll help you practice, and, as one, we’ll rout
the demons who still make your smile too tight
when people who don’t know it talk of war.
You’ve learned well not to flare out these last years.
You simply walk away. You don’t get far.
When you look in the mirror I see tears.
You lock your heart when they laugh at lost lives,
and I applaud your stillness. Stoic. Sane.
But later, when you oil and whet your knives
and rust their hinges crying, you’re the bane
of my senescence. Come. It’s time to wrench.
Display it flayed upon the market bench.
III.
Display it flayed upon the market bench?
Yes. I’ll tell you what. Step down this way,
into our memories. Yes, that’s the finch.
The bigger boys had burned its beak away.
You would have killed them had you had a gun;
but thankfully we didn’t, and the brick
you broke upon one’s instep let us run
away to grow up. Yes, this is the trick
you learned in school of asking people Why
each time they talked of action. You’d oppose
with questions (better every year), defy
each thoughtless action. Still would, I suppose.
You like to lay your verbal traps about
and mark who flinches at your barker’s shout.
IV.
And mark who flinches at your barker’s shout.
Yes, you’re a barker. Biting’s not your style.
And war’s the weapon you would do without.
Turn the other cheek. Walk extra miles.
You don’t believe in that? What else is left
to you, who are convinced that evil grows
in ratio to righteousness of men
who shoot, but look no further for a rose,
or other reason, to be friends. When war
won us (well, lost us) – forced us to confront
the evils you had hated from afar –
you did your worst, effectively, to shunt
opponents to the Styx. You drench this stench:
this once was you. You sell it now to quench…
V.
This once was you. You sell it now to quench
a craving you developed (in those caves)
for being left alone. We ought to bed a winch
in the quarry (yours, mental), hoist those knaves
that taunt all your remaining summer nights.
Remember Spring? Colombia? You liked to sing,
and tease the colonel’s wife to shed her tights,
one of the pairs you’d parted with to wring
revenge from his, the colonel’s, side.
And all because you saw him maim that bird.
‘La vida’, as your actions broke his heart,
‘no vale nada.’ Courts found it absurd
that you were charged – and set you free to flood
your thirst for patronage, and theirs for blood.
VI.
Your thirst for patronage, and theirs for blood,
and that in northern cities for escape,
could make us rich. And better yet, it would
have done, you vigilante in a cape,
but you decided drugs could harm a child
and children, like small birds, should be set free.
Now action-tuned, you turned yourself loose. Wild.
You bombed the plane we guarded on the Key.
They would have killed us both. You got them first.
‘Off the offal’, was your crazy cry.
In many tongues you overfed this thirst,
became too facile helping others die.
When Roma called, you auctioned off your hate.
Note down who pays your price and hefts its weight.
VII.
Note down who pays your price and hefts its weight.
Our lives hang in the balance. Be alert.
You’re foreign here, like everywhere, and rate
a special sanction. Worse than death is hurt,
and hurt is what is driving our host’s plan.
You think his wife’s attractive, but it’s she
who urged his group to hire you. Over flan,
that follows goose and brandy, she’ll decree
how many ounces of your flesh they’ll chop
away in retribution for expenses
you’ve cost her family. As their profits drop
they cut their losses. Lost flesh recompenses
their pain. You use the knife, and hear the thud;
note how the drops behind them turn to mud.
VIII.
Note how the drops behind them turn to mud,
and turn, and tunnel. Down and down and down
to where the boatman waits. He lets you hud-
dle in the bilge, hide underneath the gown
the bishop gave for passage on the Styx.
Now we are here, and Death is here, and Life.
And something Else, that throws one die to fix
your pattern for the future. There is strife,
and stridency. Subterfuge, and, then, tender
remonstration. Candles light. We glide
away, no oars. A hand of unknown gender
takes yours, takes mine; it lifts us safe inside
an ancient hall. Tall monks expectorate
the little puffs of dust they wet, then wait.
IX.
The little puffs of dust they wet, then wait
to watch re-dry, grow up: stalagmite men.
Approaching you, these golems hesitate,
then strip you bare, and bind you fast with tin
and copper wires. You don’t resist. Your breath,
too shallow now to cloud a looking glass,
expires without a sound. You welcome Death.
You wait in vain. A score of hours pass
and Nothing happens; No-one’s here.
No human hand unbinds you, then you’re free.
You’re free, and hate no more, and birdsong clear
as God’s, or Julie Andrews’, do-re-mi
leads you to a window. Hold the sash
a while, for decency, before you dash.
X.
A while, for decency, before you dash,
isn’t long. You fear no golem’s hands,
or mob reprisals. Nothing makes you rash,
and singing birds suspend thin silken strands
to guide your steps as we stride from the cave
and out its mouth to glory. I shed tears,
but you are taciturn; you do not rave,
or get us into trouble. You’ve no fears.
No fears. No more. And also, no more hopes.
You sell your time as worker bon marché;
ignore the barks of meal dogs hanged from ropes.
You’re catatonic, want to stay that way.
You, once the warrior, let all battles pass –
to spend your income on a looking glass.
XI.
To spend your income on a looking glass
is motored by a very meager plan:
you want, here, after all that’s come to pass,
to check if you can see the inner man.
I find you can’t. To me I look the same,
and you (who’s that?) remain romantic, lost;
and little changed, in visage, from the game
you’ve played (played us) each time a coin was tossed,
and every time a birdcall called us out.
Your armor’s rusty, and you’ve lost your thrust.
It’s time to cut from battlefield to pout,
to sell out memoirs to the upper crust.
They’ve always had our soul. We need the cash,
to see if, now you’ve lost it, you look flash.
XII.
To see if now you’ve lost it you look flash
requires more money than a monk can muster.
The wage you earn retiring market trash,
a quarter what the major pays his duster,
is what we used to get through in an hour.
Use your skills and give your back a break;
I could use the money and a shower.
This city, and this world, are on the take;
but you, of all Earth’s fools best in the know,
persist with head down, hoeing with a rake.
Reciting lines like litanies, you go
through time entombed, with both feet on the brake.
Look then! Has your grace gone to higher class
or simply thinner? Thinking soon will pass.
XIII.
Or simply, thinner thinking soon will pass.
Fat chance you won’t give power one more whirl.
The mayor’s duster will not let his nas-
ty wishes shame her. Poor and stupid girl!
He calls this virgin, ‘Whore.’ What’s that, a sty?
Your eyelid twitches. Knife back in that sheath!
The mayor’s lynch friends vote to crucify
this righteous girl, then burn her, on the heath.
No, these are not just words. They really will.
It’s custom here; and you are garbage — low,
not lethal anymore. You will not kill,
though your inaction ushers in Hell’s glow.
Don’t let reason leave, to heed this call,
as did career and family. They are all.
XIV.
As did career and family. They are all
you ever had. God knows I miss them so.
You take the knife, the knives (the knives!) and haul
their edges over leather till they glow,
surprise the mayor’s henchmen cleaning guns –
surprise the mayor too, by striking low.
The river’s dark at noon down where it runs
beneath the heather bridge. The current’s slow,
and heartbeats stop. The bravest one is yours.
Yours starts again. The town makes you new mayor.
Of all you were, the little that endures,
the piece that works, is not the righteous slayer,
but the parts you flog, ignoring birds that call –
just bits you sell in passing, as you fall.
XV.
The theory? Go inside. Grab. Fetch it out.
Display it flayed upon the market bench,
and mark who flinches at your barker’s shout
this once was you. You sell it now to quench
your thirst for patronage, and theirs for blood.
Note down who pays your price and hefts its weight.
Note how the drops behind them turn to mud
the little puffs of dust they wet. Then wait,
a while, for decency, before you dash
to spend your income on a looking glass
to see if, now you’ve lost it, you look flash,
or simply thinner. Thinking soon will pass,
as did career and family. They are all –
just bits you sell in passing, as you fall.

 

Piece Work was published in ENVOI 126, June 2000. (ENVOI)