Call in Doctor Kyldar

Old, loquacious, lightly alcoholic
(he drinks a lot but still weighs very little)
he’s not someone to call for baby’s colic
although he’s perfect when you want acquittal
for the deadly ending to your plotted frolic.
His forgetfulness means that he’ll be noncommittal
so the judge will have to set the guilty free.
He will be your perfect witness. Q.E.D.